What can I bring to the table? Many things, including chairs, briefcases, and bagged lunches. If there is free food available, I may even bring friends who don’t work here.
Read MoreWhy did you grow that thing in the first place? Thought it would make you look cool? Well you’re wrong. There’s nothing cool about submarines, except maybe for bathyspheres, but that’s all.
Read MoreThey say that a dog is a man's best friend, but they're wrong: I'm a man, and my best friend is Steve. He's a better friend than a dog could ever be. If I want to hang out, I can call Steve any time, day or night, and he'll be right over, as long as it's not night.
Read MoreIf somebody did say that it would be easy, they were lying. Sorry to get your hopes up. Please keep your hopes in plain sight and lower them, slowly.
Read MoreI know what you’re thinking: “A message in a bottle? How clichéd." Just give me a moment of your time, and then you can get right back to boogie-boarding.
Read MoreAll you need is a ski-mask.
Read MoreEveryone's heard of movies with alternate endings. But you may not know that the following films originally had alternate middles.
Read MoreThe most dangerous game.
Read MoreI'm so excited to take you and the kids camping next week! I got our sleeping bags out of the closet, I finished packing the hiking gear, and I already hired a hobo to hide in the woods and wait for us.
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